20090526
studies rantings.
u can skip my rantings. yes. this part. i just need to release. want to scream out loud. want to feel better. want to cry my heart out. i aimed a second class upper. highly doubt i can ever achieve that. i should have done something that i really really enjoy doing. so that i can do well. and now. i'm stuck. with not here nor there. done two papers in a row today. quite shitty feeling. draining my mind out. totally. and guess what. the papers are manageable. yet. what happened. what the hell happened to me?! unprepared? when u were studying as much as possible when you're home? why? why did it all go wrong? my studying method is not suitable. well. i've yet to find the correct one i guess. quite sucky. when i was taking the first paper. i was thinking. okay. there's hope. when i moved on in the paper. i lost hope. lost the will. lost the feeling to fight. lost hope. then when i move on to the next paper. i thought. it was a goner. when i start analysing the questions. okay. it got better. felt good when i was scribbling my thoughts out in essay format. then. when i got out of the exam hall. heard what my friends were talking about. and i thought. alright. shit happens. i didn't write that point. well done. i scribbled on my question paper. but not on the answer booklet. who will know. only i know. and god knows. just gonna wave bye to my second class upper degree in UOL with direct honours. bye second class upper. i'll never see you again. hope that i can even get a third class with honours. hoping for the better already. next paper's on the 28th. and. i so need to rush it thru now. but i'm drained. but concealing my feelings. my thoughts. my emotions. away from everyone that i know. just wanna hide somewhere. cry out loud. feel better.
just trying to not let anyone read it. as it doesnt seem digestable to the eye and mind. anyways, i'm ending exams in two days time! can't wait. feeling the kick now alrdy. hur.
rihs rants; 22:50